It is the 9th night of voting and I fear my sanity is beginning to fracture as the alligator flashes his toothy grin at me. I brace myself for his attack.
“You know, you humans have really become insufferable ever since you shed your tails.” the alligator says while purposely wagging his tail as if to taunt me. “Sadly, you’ve evolved into a bunch of self absorbed ninnies.”
Tiring of the gator’s persistent psychoanalysis over the last 9 days, I ask, “Don’t you have an egg somewhere that needs sitting on?”
“Oh, good to see that you are using that bloated frontal cortex for something useful.” the alligator snorts, “Like mocking a fellow species just because they happen to be oviparous. Yet, what can one expect from a species that evolved from baboons whose idea of entertainment was throwing turds at one other.”
“Well at least we humans are still evolving.”
“Just goes to prove that our species is superior.”
“How’s that?”
“Darwinism doofus.” The reptile replies, “Alligators have been fully evolved for millions of years; hence we’ve achieved perfection, whereas you narcissistic apes still have a long way to go.”
“We are not self absorbed.” I protest.
“You most definitely are. In fact I can prove it. How many times have you checked the polls today?” he asks.
“Not that many.” I argue.
“Your denial is astonishing. Well I counted, and you’ve checked over 30 times.”
Tiring of his prodding, I pull out my Droid.
The alligator laughs. “Hell, you are checking again right now, aren’t you?”
“I’m just checking my email.”
“Liar.”
“You know, you humans have really become insufferable ever since you shed your tails.” the alligator says while purposely wagging his tail as if to taunt me. “Sadly, you’ve evolved into a bunch of self absorbed ninnies.”
Tiring of the gator’s persistent psychoanalysis over the last 9 days, I ask, “Don’t you have an egg somewhere that needs sitting on?”
“Oh, good to see that you are using that bloated frontal cortex for something useful.” the alligator snorts, “Like mocking a fellow species just because they happen to be oviparous. Yet, what can one expect from a species that evolved from baboons whose idea of entertainment was throwing turds at one other.”
“Well at least we humans are still evolving.”
“Just goes to prove that our species is superior.”
“How’s that?”
“Darwinism doofus.” The reptile replies, “Alligators have been fully evolved for millions of years; hence we’ve achieved perfection, whereas you narcissistic apes still have a long way to go.”
“We are not self absorbed.” I protest.
“You most definitely are. In fact I can prove it. How many times have you checked the polls today?” he asks.
“Not that many.” I argue.
“Your denial is astonishing. Well I counted, and you’ve checked over 30 times.”
Tiring of his prodding, I pull out my Droid.
The alligator laughs. “Hell, you are checking again right now, aren’t you?”
“I’m just checking my email.”
“Liar.”
And thank you- I loved Under the Dome and have always wanted a SK signed book, so I couldn't hardly pass it by (even though we are pretty tight on money right now). I am fixing to get you paid here in a minute, but I had to wait until I got home from work so I could update my shipping address on the Pal.
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