View Full Version : Forum story comment thread

07-12-2012, 10:44 PM
It's been brought to my attention that a comment thread ought to run concurrently with the story thread. So psot your comments, good and bad, and suggestions here. Remember, this piece is currently UNTITLED.

07-13-2012, 01:04 AM
These crazy rules are stifling my creativity!!! ARRRGH! Not really.

07-13-2012, 01:10 AM
What rules? C'mon join the fun. If not, then you can start the next one with your own rules, or lack thereof. Come to think of it, we should start another as soon as this one is done, and see if we can always have something going.

07-13-2012, 01:16 AM
Good thread Idea squire. I used the random thoughts the other day and once interrupted cuz I couldn't help myself. I was also sending ppl rep with comments when i really liked something.

07-13-2012, 03:44 AM
What rules? C'mon join the fun. If not, then you can start the next one with your own rules, or lack thereof. Come to think of it, we should start another as soon as this one is done, and see if we can always have something going.

That's the idea, Terry!

07-13-2012, 05:28 PM
So who gets final edit of this, Squire. Or will we try to do it by committee? I have a couple ideas already, that shouldn't change everything too much. The "air conditioner" idea is long out the window. So instead of a salesman, the "salesman" should be perceived as a delivery person. Maybe our narrator was expecting a large air conditioner, but a salesman wouldn't be taking boxes large enough for a human body from door to door.

07-13-2012, 06:33 PM
It'll be by committee, but we'll divy up sections to rewrite, I think. I'm open to suggestions. I'm pretty new at this.

07-13-2012, 08:16 PM
I like the idea of divying up the sections to re-write. One minor suggestion I have (that can be thrown out the window if need be) is to allow Committee Member 1 to re-write Section 1. Then send that off to the person responsible for Section 2, etc. After that process concludes, perhaps the entire committee can take a final look at the revised tale and offer any additional suggestions to polish the peice. Once again, just some thoughts to help organize things. Please feel free to use or not use and/or adjust my suggestions accordingly. I'm flexible and willing to do this in a way that works best for all involved.

07-13-2012, 08:29 PM
We'll see how it goes. I've got a few ideas myself. And yeah, we can totally change salesman do deliveryman.

bookworm 1
07-13-2012, 09:24 PM
I am fine with this too.I will be away from Sunday till saturday with no internet or other way of helping.I can not wait to see what this looks like by next weekend.

07-13-2012, 09:57 PM
I like HorrorScribe's idea. It will keep some consistency to the style. However, I think we should hammer out plot points before any rewrite begins so we know what to foreshadow or forget from the very beginning.

07-13-2012, 10:12 PM
I was thinking along the same lines as HS, too; and we DEFINTELY need to hammer out thematic and plots as well. I'm looking into getting a section set up where we can do this on the forum.

07-13-2012, 10:26 PM
Why not just do it here? Or do you want to pull the story and this discussion into a whole new section?

07-13-2012, 10:29 PM
No, this new section would be used for the people who contributed and/or are doing the rewriting. Then the final product can be displayed somewhere for all to see.

07-13-2012, 10:33 PM
Discussions on plot points and what should be left out can continue here. The new section would be for the rewriting.

bookworm 1
07-13-2012, 10:39 PM
Terry looks like we stepped in at the same time.I wonder what happens now?which direction will people go yours or mine.Either way I am fine.I guess it was bound to happen.Surprised it did not happen sooner.

07-14-2012, 03:04 PM
I was surprised by that, too. I'm really surprised no one has added anything overnight. But unless Squire wants to delete one of the posts, we'll leave it up to the next contributor as to which thread to follow. In fact I'll add a note to my post and let everyone know, to avoid the confusion.

07-14-2012, 08:25 PM
Thats the reason I did not add, wasn't sure where to go now. :)

07-14-2012, 08:47 PM
Decisions, decisions, decisions....:confused:

I'm just not sure.

07-14-2012, 09:27 PM
Was thinking of some titles for the piece today:

Cold Cuts
War Wounds
Slice of Life

and I had one more that I liked, but of course I forgot it. :(

07-14-2012, 10:10 PM
I like "War Wounds", if the focus stays where it is now.

C'mon Pete, pick a horse and ride.

07-15-2012, 03:00 AM
I don't know how I feel about the turn the story took...:confused: I certainly ddin't see it going that way! But what a ride! :cool:

07-15-2012, 11:59 AM
The story's going to go into committee on Monday for rewrites and editing. Be sure to get your final thoughts into the thread. We've already got multiple endings, so give it a shot!

07-15-2012, 12:42 PM
Can't wait to get to the editing, I think this should turn out quite nicely!:)

07-15-2012, 01:40 PM
I know we didn't want to go too long, but the ending came a bit quicker than I expected. Of course, I tend to go long in anything I write.

07-15-2012, 02:22 PM
During the re-write, we can always add additional scenes if necessary, especially if it seems like the ending occurs too abruptly. And I just couldn't help to add one final twist to the epilogue. If the consensus is that it's silly or what not, I'm all for deleting it. Just figured I'd add a little something else before the revisions begin.

07-15-2012, 07:20 PM
Add thngs now. The epilogues are pretty much endings anyway. We want this to be a short story not a novel, though.

07-16-2012, 03:43 AM
Story notes to ponder during rewrite:

- We need to pick a tense and stay with it. I prefer past. --committee vote
- It must be clear that the box the delivery man brings should be large enough to hold a human body (or at least a living torso and head)
- Something about the deliver man must be disguising Sarge (beard, hat pulled down blocking face, etc - or he physically changes as the events procede)
- Narrator's first victim is in the box. Do we explain/describe how she's been changed or why she's still alive?? People were pulling in all different directions about the box contents. --committee vote
- perhaps the day's heat makes him think back to war very briefly at the outset.
- Motivation. Sarge led the platoon to a slaughter. N. killed Sarge on the battlefield, so Sarge was technically his first victim. Does this matter? Why does N. continue to kill in real world, and why did he stop?
- Maybe N. was a medic in the service, since he's a doctor now.
- Do we explain who "They" are, or leave it a mystery?
- Did Sarge survive the war attack? Ghost? Reanimated? Figment of N.'s guilty imagination/Heat induced hallucination (maybe everything is imagined)?
- Do we need to mention N.'s other victims or how he went from an operation on the first one to see what was inside, to torture of the others?
- We definitely need to clean up the ending. After the simultaneous submissions by BW and me there seemed to some overlap & disconnect in the finishing touches.

As I wrote all this, I've become of the opinion that the whole thing is a heat induced hallucination. N. has tried to quit killing but now discovers the urges just will not go away, and thus the ugly suicide at the end.

07-16-2012, 09:26 AM
Good points, Terry. But before we begin, do you want to continue this on this thread, or in a private section? I would suggest a private section for the actual rewrite at least. A place where whe could post the sections we write plus a thread for comments on editing. If we do that, we might as well go with it for the intitial commitee discussions as well. But either is fine. Let me know in this thread or by PM.

07-16-2012, 12:07 PM
My thoughts would be to keep it all on a different section, might make it easier. I've jotted down some notes as well, so when we decide on where/how to do this I'll throw them in.

07-17-2012, 11:47 PM
Cool. Happy to be involved.

07-25-2012, 11:25 PM
I know I didnt participate but I like the name Cold Cuts the best of the ones listed. And past Tense as it was originally started. I'd also eliminate the epilogue. No offence to whoever wrote it.